It started with a Staff Meeting at 8:30. I did manage to get my breakfast served to me before everyone clustered around the table to talk about (supposedly) Very Important Things. I am still having a hard time getting the Staff to understand that they should be in their assigned places, and I did yell at them for a bit. This time I decided to join the Staff Meeting, so I walked across the shiny floor and hopped up on the table.
Hopping up on the table was A Smart Thing to Do, because everyone was within petting distance.
The Staff Meeting thing will be okay, I think. I received a massive amount of food for my patience, and as long as they keep that up, I will continue to let them Meet on Monday mornings. I think Becki brought in enough special yummy food to last me Forever. Purrs, Becki!
My Monday wasn't ruined until one of the Assistant Assistant Bosses came back from lunch. She came Upstairs with a Purple Collar with a Jingle Bell attached. She came in my office, where I was enjoying an afternoon nap, and presented the contraption for me to sniff at. I sniffed it and told her I did not like it. (I knew it was a Collar, even though she acted like it was a toy.) So what does she do? Does she say, "Oh, I'm sorry Tober. Let me get this thing out of your sight. We'll throw it away." NO. She puts it on my neck! She tells me I'm handsome! (As if I don't already know this.) I got up, and it jingled!
I ran through the Library, and it jingled! I ran under Linda White's desk, and it jingled after me! I ran under Linda Porter's desk, and it followed me there, too! I ran back to my office. . . still jingling! Finally the Assistant Assistant Boss scooped me up--but not to comfort me and remove the awful thing. No! She was giggling, and she showed me to other people, and they giggled too!
Here I am under a desk being The Unhappiest Cat in the World:
In case you haven't guessed it, the Awful Person who did this to me was Christine. Watch out for that one.
Karen hugged me and told me how grumpy I looked (she used the term "vet ears" to describe the laid-back position of my ears), but she was laughing too. She showed me to some Nice Library Customers, who I thought might take sympathy on me. You know what they did? They called me Pretty.
I wasn't Pretty, I was Mad! I'm a Boy-Cat, for crying out loud!
I was so Mad that I protested by sitting in my Toilet Box. And that Awful Person Christine took pictures of me, while everyone else stood around saying "Poor Tober" and laughing at me!
I was worried for a long time. The Library Staff people kept trying to reason with me, telling me I looked handsome (not pretty), and that they already jingle (keys), so I should jingle too. I said, "No. This thing is Stupid, and I am Mad, so take it off of me Please!" Christine and Linda said they would not take it off, and so did Karen.
Linda tried to hug and comfort me, and I wouldn't have it.
Here's the thing. As my second-in-command, my Assistant Boss Karen is very receptive to my needs. We share an office. She took me back to the office and had to look at me, and she could plainly see the misery on my scrunched-up face. She tried giving me Treats (didn't want any) and pettings (didn't want any of those, either). I was determined to Never Move Again. I would go on a Hunger Strike, and get skinny, and never purr, or meow, or go anywhere ever again.
Karen finally broke down and took off the Stupid Collar. (I knew she would.) I told her we should fire Christine, too, but apparently Christine does do some kind of work at the Library (other than find new ways to torment me).
This was my second (and hopefully last) encounter with a Collar.
Free at last,