Monday, November 15, 2010

The Mean Staff Diet

I have heard my staff muttering the most alarming things lately. I keep hearing words like "supper" and "dry food only" and "treats" and "he'll be okay" and, most importantly, "No More Soft Food."

No More Soft Food.

This is getting out of hand. They think that they can deny me my daily doses of Stinky Goodness because I don't eat it at it too much. I just like the gravy. But still, I like the routine--knowing that they will drop whatever they're doing and run to the grocery store. . . how they apologize and give extra Catnip when AAB Breakfast-Giver Becki is out and they do the usual bang-up job of FORGETTING to FEED ME. . . how the smell of my squishy food invigorates my nose and whiskers after a good seven-hour nap!

What am I supposed to do with these people? I'd fire them all, but I suspect they'd come back because they wouldn't have anything better to do. Oooh, AAB Christine said that was a Rotten thing to say. Well, it's Rotten to starve a Poor Defenseless (no thumbs!) Little Orange Cat and change his routine without asking permission!

You know what else is Rotten?

My pepper from my gracious West Lafayette friends. AAB Britta discovered some fur growing on the underside of it (in the broken part) last week, so we took one last photo together. They even wrapped it in paper towel so AAB Ritchie wouldn't fish it out of the trash like he kept doing with Little Green Pepper.


If I'd know they were going to take my suppers and breakfasts Away, I'd have saved Pepper for a snack.

Wasting away at the hands of my Treacherous Staff,

Tober the (skinny) Cat

13 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

Mister Tober!
May I plead with your Staff to reconsider? Wet food is actually MUCH better than dry kibble for Cats, nutritionally. You would be healthier getting off of the kibble train completely. I have had excellent results with wet food only, even reversing one kitty's bladder crystals with diet.
Please e-mail me if you have any questions...I can forward your Staff some pertinent articles.
katniplounge AT gmail DOT com
MomKat Trish

Carolyon said...

Now that is not fair! I think you should advertise for a new staff position just to make them all double think their actions!

JC said...

That is a really cute photo of you. Your eyes ...

I fed Riley, my orange boy, canned kitten food for a year and another year of stinky goodness. On year three, I had him eat only dry.

It's just what we employees do ...

Have them buy you a new pepper !!!

The Island Cats said...

We agree with Momcat Trish. Stinky goodness is better for you, Tober. Maybe it's the kind of stinky goodness they are giving you that you don't like. We get Wellness and we love it!! And it's grain free which our mom thinks is better for us.

We're sorry about your pepper, though. Those peppers just don't live very long, do they??

Oskar said...

Oh my heavens, Tober I hope you can make it through the long winter.

Perhaps you should try a rutabega next time, it should last longer!

Nubbin wiggles,
Oskar

Sparkle said...

My human actually took all us cats off of kibble completely... and we were getting the fancy kind (Wellness Core), and only for breakfast. She thinks we are better off with all canned food (and maybe some chicken as treats). But I am with you on the gravy - that is the best part. My human blows a gasket when I only eat that part and not the rest! I may be a picky eater, but she is an ever pickier server.

Cat of Nine Tales said...

Oh no! I hope you don't waste away!
~Lisa Co9T

Cat Mandu said...

Tober! Oh, dear!
Frankly, I don't like wet kitty food. Mom did pick up some salmon flavored "Temptations" to go with my Science Diet. I love that! (I say as I stand on my head and flip my tail!) Maybe they'll pick up a plastic pepper for you at the Dollar Store.
Mandu

Luna T. Katt said...

OMC no soft food? The horror! We hope you cans find some staff that will still give you some... or maybe your current staff will anyway since you're so cute =^_^= purrs!
Luna & Zulu

Poppy Q said...

Tober, I got told by my vet that I was F-A-T, but she says it is ok to eat the fancy feasts as they are 80% water, and it is good for cats to have wet foods. I just have to have the diet biscuits instead of the high calorie ones that I like.

I like to suck the gravy on some of them too.

Poppy Q

The Whiskeratti said...

We only eat dry kibble, but our Mom wants us to go to the Stinky Goodness too. Mostly it's Toby who is a picky eater.. Leia is very good about her noms. But she really would like to get us on the wet stuff, and thinks it's better for kittehs.

Poor pepper. Another one down! MEDIC!!

Percy the Cat said...

My mum has us cats on raw and canned foods, and no kibbles at all. She says that we are doing much better - more energy, shinier furs, no stinky breaths. We eat raw chicken or turkey with supplements from felinefuture.com, and Pandora eats Wellness grain-free canned, or Nature's Variety Instinct canned.

Junior and Orion said...

Oh Tober, this is just horrible! No more stinky goodness? How dare they? Do we all need to come stage a revolt? A picket? Let us know, we are willing to help.