Friday, August 31, 2012

Rotten Ritchie

I'm having trouble with one of my employees.  Maybe you can offer some advice as to how I should discipline him.

AAB Ritchie, who is the Library Custodian, seems to be under the (false) impression that cats shouldn't sit in chairs.  Apparently he thinks that if the cat (that's me) never sits in chairs, he will never have to clean cat furs off of them.  So when he sees me in a chair, he shakes the chair until I leave it.

Kitties, I know!  I know this is horrifying.  Hopefully your people have smelling salts (or at least canned tuna) nearby.  I held a staff meeting to determine how best to deal with this insubordination.

AB Karen suggested we discipline him by withholding cake.  In case you've never read my blog before, cake is a big deal around here.  We like to have cake of some sort to celebrate days ending in Y.  Ritchie *loves* cake.

Ritchie's next tattoo
First AAB Becki hid the cake.  This caused some distress when other staff ladies couldn't find the cake for a 4pm snack, but riots were avoided when the cake was discovered after a tortuous 90-second search.

After the cake was hidden, AAB Britta made Ritchie a special computer screen:

Imagine how terrifying this would be at 6:00 am!
Ritchie thought it was funny
 
So I arranged for a special "treat" for him.
 
100% Genuine Tober Furs
Do any of you have ideas on how to properly train a human?  He's a guy-human, which makes him a little harder to train, but still. . . You have no idea how awful it is to be awoken from a great nap by the whole world shaking.  This has to stop!
 
Thank goodness we have a three-day weekend coming. I will have an extra day (without AAB Rotten Ritchie) to nap uninterrupted, and maybe I'll think of a good way to discipline him.
 
Until then, I remain ready for battle.
 
Go ahead.  Make my day.
Wishing everyone lots of naps in chairs,
 
Tober


10 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

This might be a little bit rude, but Tober, I expel a little flatus when I'm irritated. You could give it a try!
Mommy got all fainty, thinking about cake that wasn't there!
XX Grayce

Sparkle said...

I think he should not be allowed to sit in chairs either if he does not think you should be there, Tober!

Jo's World said...

Here is what I would do Tober, I'd keep the computer screen up, he didn't think it was funny but he was embarrassed so he laughed. Then I would poison a piece of cake and let him eat it. Not a lot of poison, just enough to make him sick, and let him know you can do that anytime you want. 'Nuff said, Tober?

Your good pal,

Ziva Zophia (aka Zkhat, where NO ONE ABUSES ME!)

The Island Cats said...

OMC, Tober! This is totally unacceptable behavior on the part of Rotten Ritchie! You must put your paw down...hopefully with claws out and in Rotten Ritchie's skin!!

Emily said...

Poor Tober!

Please remind Ritchie that he only works at the library, you live there.

And you can't have furniture without "fur."

brandi said...

I have my own rocking chair. Fur doesn't really stick too well there. But, then, I have a whole daybed to fur up. You are welcome to bisit any time. You will feel quite at ease here. We have lots of books!

Junior, Orion and Sammy said...

Cat furs are an appropriate accessory for anything! Chairs, shirts, coats....anything! Tell him not to worry about cleaning the chairs, just leave them as they are. If someone has an issue with fur in their chair, well they can bring a blanket of something to cover it up so their precious bootie doesn't get furs on it. ;)

Bellen said...

Don't worry, Tober. I'm a guy-human and my cats have me trained pretty well. But now I'm reminded that I have a pound cake waiting at home for me... Mmmm.

Junior, Orion and Sammy said...

Tober,

We are going to come have a talk with your assistants about not helping you blog.

Sincerely,
Junior, Orion and Sammy

Junior, Orion and Sammy said...

Tober! Your assistanst are really fired now! It is coming up on a month since they helped you blog! What in the world is going on there???