Not-Tober

Okay, friends. . . I played a trick on you, and it worked! You'll see what I mean.

I'm not sure where to begin today's post. Well, they say a picture is worth a skid-load of Temptations:


In case you don't notice anything wrong, let me illustrate the situation:


CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS???

Yesterday's picture was all Wrong because it featured Not-Tober!

So, Friday this Evil Imposter Cat shows up at my Library. His accomplice was a man named Chester, and the story goes that Chester "found" this cat and wanted to "return" it to the library. MY library.

So everybody runs downstairs all upset because they think that I'm gone and back again. Which I'm not. I'm RIGHT NEXT TO AAB Kathy having a snooze.

And they let this Not-Tober in the library anyway! They call him "cute" and "sweet" and "adorable" and all of the other nice things that should be reserved for me. AB Karen thinks he belongs to one of our neighbors, so she calls to see if he does.

NO. He's a cute, sweet, adorable, LOST HOMELESS cat--which apparently made him even cuter, sweeter, and adorabler to (most of) my Disloyal Staff. (AAB Kathy B. did not waver in her Loyalty and Devotion to me for one moment.)

Accomplice Chester made up some story about having to go to work, and not being able to take the Evil Imposter out of the building until he is done with work. AB Karen got all Sad thinking that this cute, sweet, adorable, lost homeless Not-Tober would have to survive on the mean streets of Thorntown.

So she put him in my Office.

The one with my food and water and toys Feline Training Devices and toilet.


He used my toilet. He Number Oned AND Number Twoed in my super-awesome litter pan.

Then he trained with my Feline Training Devices,


sniffed my Catnip-scented floorspot,


ate MY treats off of MY desk,


and when he was all tired out from using all my stuff, he took a snooze in one of MY chairs.


Letting this Imposter into my Office isn't even the half of it. AAB Cathie visited him and petted him, and AAB Britta cuddled him, told him he was the cutest, and came back from lunch early to see him. AAB Christine spent her whole lunch hour entertaining him--and she has never once in the history of my Librarycatdomhood EVER spent her lunch hour with me!

Then they made "Found Cat" posters to hang up, and they let him help. Friends, he helped type his own "Found Cat" poster on the very keyboard I use to write this blog. AAB Becki hung them up around town.


This is my Finding Month, and my most Trusted Staff let this Not-Tober into my Library.


Here I am being Mad Mad Mad because this cute stupid cat is in my Office. I would say I hate him, but they tell me that is Not a Nice Word. So I really really don't like this new weird-smelling teenage cat One Bit and I want him to leave.

My whole Office stinks like cute, sweet, adorable, lost homeless cat. I made AAB Christine Lysol her desk. AAB Britta is out buying Febreze.

And Guess What?

His accomplice, Chester, stopped by right before closing, picked him up, and took him home. (Home = Not My Library) Chester will foster him until someone claims him; otherwise, he will keep him (out of my library, hopefully) Forever.

As a result of this Most Horrible 14th Day of my Finding Month, I have Fired AB Karen and AABs Christine, Britta, Ritchie (he played with it! and he's Allergic!), and sadly, Becki and Cathie. (Becki and Cathie are two of my Favorites; the others were hanging on by a thread.)

AAB Kathy, who spent the day with me and did not ONCE visit the Not-Tober, has been promoted to Chief Treat-Giver and Tummy-Rubber.

I am relieved to have my Library all to myself again, but it's going to be days before the Not-Tober stink clears out of here.

The One and Only,

Tober

Enemy at the Gate!!!!

I was on High Alert the other night! It seems a horrible slobbering monster was trying to get in my Library! AAB Christine and AB Karen were working downstairs when they noticed a monstrous presence at the door. Christine ran and got me (she's chicken) so I could give the would-be Intruder the Stink-eye:


Do you see it? Isn't it a horrible thing? It scraped at the doors a bit trying to invade the place, but then it got a good look at me and made some whimpery baby-woofie noises because I'm One Intimidating Cat.

Here's a closer picture, just so you can see the Danger my Library was in:


That thing could have gotten in and left drool-splotches on the carpets. It could have eaten all of the Cat Treats! It could have left black furs where all of my orange furs are supposed to be!

Oh, hang on a minute. . .

Okay, so AAB Christine says she was NOT scared (liar-liar-pants-on-fire) and that the monster was a woofie-dog named Peppy and he's a boy and he was just pausing outside for a minute while his person came in to get some library books. And he's really quite friendly and probably wanted to Play. ("Play" roughly translates to "eat Library Cat.") He's a Sheltie/lab mix--similar in ferociousness to the Godzilla/Mothra variety of monster.

AB Karen gave Peppy some of MY Cat Treats (see it could have eaten all the Cat Treats!) probably to distract him from his goal of Complete Library Domination. My Stink-eye and her ingenious use of Cat Treats meant that our evening ended peacefully and without incident.

Defending my Library from slobbering Beasties,

Tober

An Intruder! and Inventory. . .

On Wednesday we found an Intruder in the library! Unfortunately, it wasn't a very exciting Intruder. (Exciting Intruders are houselibraryflies and Wasps.) So I stared at it for a while and decided it wasn' worth my time.


These last two weeks my library bosses have been very very busy doing something called Inventory. Inventory means that they are taking all of the books and dvds and things off of the shelves, loading them onto carts, rolling them over to computers, beeping the things with a scanner, and then putting most of them back. (Some of the books and dvds don't get put back because they are broken or need new covers or have the wrong Dewey number on them.)

Why do Inventory? I don't know. I think they're all trying to look busy and Important when the customers come in. It also seems to be an excuse for treats like breakfast casserole and Dairy Queen treats and bean dip and fruit and chocolate.

During this time I have been seriously Unhappy. I have expressed myself by tearing up the Inventory Assignments:


I have also decided that I need a good place from which to Snoopervise everyone:


. . . but then I decided that this spot was much better:


I hope that they get this Inventory thing done sometime during one of my nine lives, because the beeping gets a bit obnoxious when I'm trying to Nap.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Purrs,

Tober