Gourds Have Invaded My Library

My library is overflowing at all times with beautiful things: my Assistant and Assistant-Assistant Bosses, my board of trustees Super Bosses, the smiles and pats of the customers who ask to see my own Most Handsome and Mancatly Self, and--this week--a BE-YOO—TIFUL collection of GOURDS!! (Gourds are dead plant things.)

Although I was not invited, my AB Karen (who was Fired for leaving me and Re-Hired when she got back) spent 4 days setting up, enjoying, and taking down the Indiana Gourd Society’s annual state show. It seems that being the IGS President is Pretty Big Stuff and takes A Lot Of Work!! I am worn out with all the Work I have heard about, but I am very Pleased to check out and taste some of the new gourds in our library. She brought back some musical instruments, some bowls, some birdhouses (these have Great Possibilities as Cat Entertainment) and even some CARROTS! (More about Carrots later.)

Here is a gourd centerpiece made by IGS 1st Vice-President Jim Ballard of Greenfield, Indiana. (1st Vice-President is also Pretty Big Stuff, from what I hear.) Jim grew the long-handled dipper gourd, twisted it every single day (forever and ever) until frost killed it, then scraped off all the green skin. He made a gourd base and added some VERY TASTY flowers.


Now, all week I have tried to investigate this very Interesting centerpiece, and my Staff says No, No, No Tober! and makes me go play with attack something (not nearly as Interesting) instead. Then, today, my AB Karen puts me right by it and AAB Christine gets the Stupid Flashy Box and I get to nom on a flower.


Then right after AB Karen takes me AWAY from the Interesting centerpiece and AAB Christine says No Tober don't ever eat on those flowers again!

I'm so confused.

It is Sad, Very Sad, that My Staff do not trust me alone with the Gourd at night. They lock it in an office. It is only here until Karen figures out how to get it to Joy Bishop, an IGS member who won the gourd in a raffle on April 3 and lives in Covington, KY. (Covington is Far Away.) Joy is Very Happy to know she won such a stupendous piece and she and my AB Karen will figure it out. Until the big transport day arrives, I am allowed to daily check on the condition of the centerpiece. I trust EVERYONE will Notice that the Gourd is the SAME MANCATLY COLOR as Myself!!

Now, about those Carrots: It seems that Ann Lankford, a Very Nice Lady in Martinsville, makes carrots out of Banana Gourds. (I wonder does she make Bananas out of Carrot gourds?) She allowed my AB Karen to buy two carrots: one is to stay in My Office in the Library, but the other one was for Gene. Gene comes to the library for lunch almost every day and is known for his love of carrots, which he gets to eat almost every day: cubed carrots, peas and carrots, mixed vegetables, Italian blend, carrot cake—I trust my Readers get the Idea. The daily senior lunches are BIG on healthy eating even though Gene’s favorite kind of carrots is the cake with the Icing on it. Sometimes I get to sample the icing, but My Staff does not make Salmon-flavored Icing and that would be My Favorite!


Soon I will post about a New Cat in the Library—but now I need to check out my supper bowl—all this Writing has used up all the Complex Carbohydrates that keep my Curiosity Cells bouncing around in my Smart, Busy Brain. ‘til then—Happy GOURDING!!

Purrs,

Tober

Don't boss the Boss.

Today my Assistant Boss Mommy Karen bossed me. She told me that I needed to pick up my toys. (For the record, they are NOT toys. They are Feline Training Devices.)

My Assistant Assistant Boss Christine found an insultingly girly-pink box for me to keep my "toys" in. She calls this the "toy box."


Man-cats don't have "toy boxes."

Since my Assistant Assistant Boss Britta picked up my "toys" for me (she is a Very Good Employee), I was unaware of this "toy box" until after supper, when I visited the cataloging office to see if people were working. (They were.)

I am NOT happy about this "toy box" situation.


How am I supposed to get my Catnip ball out of there? I don't have thumbs! This is an Outrage! I demand a more Man-catly Feline Training Device Box by the end of the week, or I will. . . I'll. . . ummm. I'll think about that for a bit.

On a happier note, on Sunday I got to supervise a board meeting of the Indiana Gourd Secret Society. The Indiana Gourd Society is a group of people who are wild about gourds, and one of the members, Dallas Lundsford, took a picture of me looking quite Bossly:


I do not know much about gourds except to say that they are all over my Office and they are fun to smack into the wastebasket! Because they are fun to play with, I will approve future meetings of these Gourd Society Types in my library.

Waiting not-patiently for my Mancatly Feline Training Device Box,

(I'm thinking gunmetal gray with flames, or navy with Racing stripes,)

One Tough Cat,

Tober

Carpet Cleaning = Bad News

I have been mulling over what to say about the cleaning of all library carpets.

This questionable (to My Mind) activity took place on the only Saturday the library is closed that is not a holiday: Sept. 27, the day of my Thorntown’s Festival of the Turning Leaves. I prefer carpet and do NOT like wood floors, even the “soft yellow pine” that was put into my library in 1914. I cannot see that it is soft at all. My Assistant Boss and Assistant Assistant Bosses seem to like it, however, and praise its "character" (how does a floor have character?) and the cut marks in it that show where the 1914 circulation desk stood. They found it when they tore out the carpet during the 2004 renovation. This was Before My Time at the library, so it really doesn't count. (In fact, it was before I was born, if My Readers can even grasp such an extreme concept!) Remember that I have no front toenails and no way to get a grip on wood floors. Tile is only a little better, but it IS better.

Back to that Awful weekend. My Assistant Boss Karen placed my privy and my food and water across the “soft” wood floor and by the fireplace. My staff then proceeded to move all loose furniture except wood tables and stacked it around my new space. They did this with a maximum of grumbling and groaning and made quite a racket. They do this to save money, as it lets the carpet cleaning crew come in the door and go right to work without having to first move furniture. I'm all for saving moneys, because that means more Treats for Me, but they should really warn a cat first.

I can tell you THIS: I am not impressed with the carpet cleaning process. I am NOT impressed with their cleaning of 18 chairs, especially my favorite chairs. I am NOT pleased that the carpet cleaning leader told my Assistant Boss Karen that he found cat hair on a few chairs she had not marked for cleaning and he felt MY Beautiful Hair should be removed from those as well. They cleaned all of my chairs and made them smell weird.

The cleaners were on both floors at once, they made noises, and THEN they left damp carpet, not the place I wish to put my Lovely Paws! To make matters worse, no one spent the day with me as they usually do on Saturdays. Instead of giving tummy rubs and treats to my Glorious Self, they built two floats for the Saturday parade, they ran a book sale on the TILE floors (ugh) in the meeting rooms, they held a gourd exhibition at the Sugar Creek Art Center, they gave tours through the Thorntown Heritage Museum, and my Karen cut 75-90 (she lost count) gourd bird houses and gave them away on the museum lawn.

Here I am telling the little green Festival of the Turning Leaves jar that I do not approve of what it does to my weekend:


I can only see One Good Thing about Festival Saturday: the children’s play area was right outside My Big Round Window. I watched some pretty scary stuff: bungee cord jumping, space jumping, swoopy rides that made me NOT want any kitty treats right then. Karen even fed me my Sunday supper on the copier table so that I could eat and watch Festival being boxed up, an activity that I found a little unusual. My staff store books in boxes and then huff and puff as they stack them in storage. The children’s games outside My Window were also put into very large boxes, but those boxes had wheels and just rolled away. I wonder there they go and when they will be back.

I guess I shall believe Assistant Boss Karen, who assures me that they will be back next fall and that on that Saturday I shall again be Called Upon To Supervise Carpet Cleaning.

Oh, Joy.

The Things I Do for my library,

Tober

PS--I have been working overtime trying to get the "clean" stink out of this building.

Tober's War on Produce

My Library is being invaded by things called Produce (or, more commonly, Vegetables).

In case you haven't noticed, I have a kind of food-y Library. My staff likes snacks, especially when they involve chocolate, but they also like anything that can be baked, iced, or spread on a cracker. I am fine with all of these foods being here (and I love love love that Whipped Cream stuff), but I have a problem with Produce.

As you probably know, I assault Apples frequently, even if they travel in small groups. Assistant Boss Karen hides them in drawers, but when she opens the drawer, I pick them up and throw them in a wastebasket. I also slap dried gourds around. They look like they used to be Produce before they died.

I thought I had Karen's Produce problem under control until I went into the office one day and found a small green object.


I have learned that this is a Cucumber.


I bit at it with my sharp teeths and licked it and pushed it a little bit, but it was blocked in by piles of Very Important Library Papers. Assistant Assistant Boss Christine reported to Karen that I was displeased with the Cucumber, and that she should take it away (and also wash it before eating). It was removed immediately--hopefully away from Library property.

AAB taunted me with a Cherry shortly thereafter. I was not impressed with the Cherry, so Christine ate it before I could throw it into the wastebasket.

My AB Karen has been at the Indiana State Fair surrounded by Produce and Gourds for the past several days, so I imagine that her fascination with Produce would end--or at least be satisfied for a few months. I was happily enjoying a Produce-free workplace when, earlier this week, I hopped onto Bonnie's desk to find. . .

. . . a Zucchini!


This is the Biggest Produce that has invaded my Library yet! I would never have expected this of Assistant Assistant Boss Bonnie, who indulges my love of Catnip and keeps a special slidey-drawer for my sitting pleasure. Treachery!

I can't explain my dislike for Produce. I think it's weird-looking. It doesn't look like there's any proper way to eat it, especially if you're a Cat. It's hard to get my teeths into, and it rolls when I try to get my paws around it. I am really glad I'm an Indoor cat, because I hear that there is a lot of Produce running wild out there. Armies and armies of things called Corn and Beans.

Whew, am I one lucky Cat.

Tober

Things I like to play with.

You may remember that I like to chew on Cords. I like chewing on them so much that I broke my New Year's Resolution by destroying Assistant Boss Karen's monitor cable. . . although I did it in stages, so I should get a little credit.

I've discovered that there are many other things that are fun to chew in a Library. Here are some of my Favorites.

Von's Ape Bookmark:


Von's Ape Bookmark has a very nice and foamy consistency. It is nice to hold in my teeth, and I can chew little bits off and leave them in the floor. This irritates Von, because I guess she likes her Ape Bookmark. However, as Boss of Thorntown Public Library, the fact that I like to eat it overrides the fact that she likes to look at it. Besides, have you noticed the shifty eyes on that thing?

Christine's Jade Plant:


Christine's Jade Plant has nice, thick, juicy leaves. Eating the Jade Plant is a bit of an adventure, because Christine seems to think that she can hide it from me. No matter where she puts it, I will track it down and chew a previously unblemished leaf. It is nice to have a change of Scenery with each dining experience.

Everyone's Papers:


Paper comes in many wonderful sizes and textures, and all are equally fun to chew on. The curlicues of paper that postage stamps come on is one of my favorite varieties, and I am training the Staff to save these for me after Newsletter Day. I'm also fond of anything Important that Karen happens to be working on. This means that I have a continuous supply of Important Documents and Emails to snack on. I've recently discovered that Receipts from the new receipt printers crinkle very nicely in my masculine front paws and strong, sharp teeth. My vicious paper-tearing should impress everyone, considering that I do not have Fingernails to assist in the destruction.

I also play with Gourds now. This is Nice, because now Karen and I have a common interest. Our mutual love of Gourds, combined with my interest in dropping things and Karen's love of picking things up, makes us very good Office-mates. Here I am demonstrating my Gourd-slapping technique:


I have to use my hands when I drop the Gourd because there isn't a nice sturdy stem to grab with my teeth. Gourds are also much lighter than little apples, so sometimes I get a good Slap-shot in and fling them across the room.

Here is a Very Good Picture of Me, so that your weekends start out Happy:



In this picture I am working very hard to hide my irritation with my Assistant Assistant Boss. It's tough being a Celebrity.

TPL's Gourd-geous Library Cat,

Tober