Real Man-Cats Wear Necklaces. . .

. . . but only for a very very short time.

Yesterday I was minding my own business (as usual), taking a nap (as usual), and having dreams about a warehouse full of office furniture. (Each desk had an apple placed on the very corner, ready for me to fling across the room.)

Anyway, I had some Very Nice Young Ladies come to visit me, so I almost fully woke up to greet them. They had a gift that they had made for me. I didn't know what it was, until they scooped me up and slid a Necklace around my neck!

A Necklace is like a collar, only they are usually worn by girls and ladies!

I did not like it one bit. I mushed my head back as far as it would go, trying to make my neck disappear so the Necklace would have to fall off. This made everyone laugh at me! Boy, I was M-A-D. They called me "cute" while they petted my laid-back ears. Because I am a Gentleman and a good Boss, I did not hiss or growl at them.

They put me down on the ground, and I ran for Bonnie's desk. Then I tried to go in my litter-box, but it hadn't been scooped yet, so I panicked and looked around for a good spot. This is when Christine finally came and took the Necklace off of me. (For once she did something useful.)

Then we took a picture:


Notice how they are very Happy while I am very Un-happy. Also notice that I am upside-down.

At first I was very mad about the Necklace because I thought Necklaces are for girls and ladies. Then I looked in some Library Books and saw pictures of kings from way back when wearing Necklaces. I have decided that Necklaces are appropriate attire, since I am the King. . . er. . . Boss of the Library.

I still do not want to wear one, though.

I have given my Necklace to a cat who lives in My Library's Secret Garden. I would post a picture of him now, but my Photographer has grumpily refused to go outside in the rain.

King of TPL,

Tober

PS--I do think my Necklace is very nice-looking. The cat in the Garden doesn't seem to mind it.

An apple a day. . .

I have recovered from Monday. Assistant Boss Karen did make an attempt to put a Collar on my neck on Tuesday morning, but I quickly let her know that it was a Bad Idea. Several treats later, I decided that she was forgiven, and we are all getting along just fine now. The Collar stays out of my sight, in a drawer--where it belongs.

The training of the Library Staff is coming along quite well. I've learned that I can entertain myself for hours watching them pick Apples up off of the floor. Actually, they are SO well-trained that I only need one Apple for almost an entire day of amusement.

I discovered this talent yesterday, when Karen fetched an apple from lunch and brought it to my desk. She placed it on the edge of the desk, and I carefully picked it up in my teeth and dropped it on the floor for her. She got all excited and picked it up. She seemed to enjoy the activity the first time, so I did it again.

Let me tell you--once these Humans get excited about something, they like to do it over and over and over again! Karen even set up an empty basket to catch the Apple, I think because she was tired of looking for it underneath things. After a while, I tired her out, and she washed and ate the Apple to give her energy.

Today she brought another Apple upstairs to play with. This one was very small, but it had a nice big stem for grabbing and dropping.

Here I am with Karen and her little Apple:


Karen wanted to photograph my Very Good Job of picking the Apple up and dropping it. Here is an Action Shot. Notice the little shadow under the Apple:


Here I am licking the Apple:


Here I am putting my teeth into it. It feels nice, like a Cord:


Here I am picking up the Apple by its nice sturdy stem:


Here I am about to drop the Apple. Notice also my technique of sitting on Karen's papers throughout this Training Session. This prevents Karen from becoming distracted by Other Unimportant Things.


Here is how it Ends:


I must say that I am Very Satisfied with the progress of the Staff in this latest Training. Several of them have visited to participate, and many have become proficient Fetchers. If they take too long to retrieve the Apple, I yell at them, and they quickly comply with my Wishes.

I used this Apple for several Training Sessions, and it was quite battered by the end of the day.

The Library Staff is doing so well that customers are taking note. Pastor Jim Allen watched me train Karen for a while, even though he is Allergic to cats. He seemed impressed by Karen's progress, as well as my excellent Apple-dropping skills. I hope they find a Cure for his Feline Allergy so he can visit me more.

Lovin' the Library Life,

Tober

Tober's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It started with a Staff Meeting at 8:30. I did manage to get my breakfast served to me before everyone clustered around the table to talk about (supposedly) Very Important Things. I am still having a hard time getting the Staff to understand that they should be in their assigned places, and I did yell at them for a bit. This time I decided to join the Staff Meeting, so I walked across the shiny floor and hopped up on the table.

Hopping up on the table was A Smart Thing to Do, because everyone was within petting distance.

The Staff Meeting thing will be okay, I think. I received a massive amount of food for my patience, and as long as they keep that up, I will continue to let them Meet on Monday mornings. I think Becki brought in enough special yummy food to last me Forever. Purrs, Becki!


My Monday wasn't ruined until one of the Assistant Assistant Bosses came back from lunch. She came Upstairs with a Purple Collar with a Jingle Bell attached. She came in my office, where I was enjoying an afternoon nap, and presented the contraption for me to sniff at. I sniffed it and told her I did not like it. (I knew it was a Collar, even though she acted like it was a toy.) So what does she do? Does she say, "Oh, I'm sorry Tober. Let me get this thing out of your sight. We'll throw it away." NO. She puts it on my neck! She tells me I'm handsome! (As if I don't already know this.) I got up, and it jingled!

I ran through the Library, and it jingled! I ran under Linda White's desk, and it jingled after me! I ran under Linda Porter's desk, and it followed me there, too! I ran back to my office. . . still jingling! Finally the Assistant Assistant Boss scooped me up--but not to comfort me and remove the awful thing. No! She was giggling, and she showed me to other people, and they giggled too!

Here I am under a desk being The Unhappiest Cat in the World:


In case you haven't guessed it, the Awful Person who did this to me was Christine. Watch out for that one.

Karen hugged me and told me how grumpy I looked (she used the term "vet ears" to describe the laid-back position of my ears), but she was laughing too. She showed me to some Nice Library Customers, who I thought might take sympathy on me. You know what they did? They called me Pretty.

I wasn't Pretty, I was Mad! I'm a Boy-Cat, for crying out loud!

I was so Mad that I protested by sitting in my Toilet Box. And that Awful Person Christine took pictures of me, while everyone else stood around saying "Poor Tober" and laughing at me!


I was worried for a long time. The Library Staff people kept trying to reason with me, telling me I looked handsome (not pretty), and that they already jingle (keys), so I should jingle too. I said, "No. This thing is Stupid, and I am Mad, so take it off of me Please!" Christine and Linda said they would not take it off, and so did Karen.

Linda tried to hug and comfort me, and I wouldn't have it.

Here's the thing. As my second-in-command, my Assistant Boss Karen is very receptive to my needs. We share an office. She took me back to the office and had to look at me, and she could plainly see the misery on my scrunched-up face. She tried giving me Treats (didn't want any) and pettings (didn't want any of those, either). I was determined to Never Move Again. I would go on a Hunger Strike, and get skinny, and never purr, or meow, or go anywhere ever again.

Karen finally broke down and took off the Stupid Collar. (I knew she would.) I told her we should fire Christine, too, but apparently Christine does do some kind of work at the Library (other than find new ways to torment me).

This was my second (and hopefully last) encounter with a Collar.

Free at last,

Tober

My work uniform

Today one of my colleagues presented me with my new work uniform. It's a purple collar (she called it a necklace, ha ha) with a fish on it, and the number 636.8. She said it was the Dewey number for a cat. I tried to tell her that the work uniform was completely unnecessary; I know I'm a cat, and most of the customers should be able to figure out that I'm a cat. . . so what's the point? I'm perfectly handsome just as I am!

So she put the collar on anyway. Let me tell you, I let her have it! I scrunched my head back as far as it would go, laid my ears back, and glared at her. She couldn't get that silly thing off me quick enough. She's been apologizing ever since.

We'll just see if any other coworkers try to put a collar on me. I WILL NOT HAVE IT!

Other than that bit of humiliation, my first week of work has been great! Many customers have come in to meet me, my coworkers have responded to my every whim, and the seating here is fabulous. They even put the teens in a special room, and I can sit on Linda White's desk to watch them. It's like an aquarium, only filled with people (and books). Kinda neat!

Have a happy weekend!

Tober