Bad Cat?

I have been told twice this week that I am a Bad Cat!

First I was called a Bad Cat because I was chomping on AAB Kathy's computer cord. AAB Christine was borrowing Kathy's desk on Tuesday night, and I kept walking under the desk to chomp the cord. Well, AAB Christine, not being cat-shaped, was unable to get to me, so I could chomp-chomp-chomp to my heart's content. She must've figured I was hungry, so she offered me treats. I came out from under the desk and had two.

Then I went back to chomping, so AAB Christine got the treats out again. I had two more, and put some furs on the monitor, and pulled a few hold slips out of AAB Kathy's books. Then I went back under the desk for some chomping.

Christine shook the treat-bag again, so I came out to have some, but guess what?

She didn't offer me any treats. She went "hrmph" and stuck them in the drawer! I waited very patiently and even stomped on the keyboard a few times, but I didn't get any treats.

So I went back to chomping on the cord again.

Christine shook the treat-bag, but this time I knew she was Lying to me. I knew I wouldn't get any treats, so I just looked at her for a while. She started hollering my name, and I just purred and purred, because I was under the desk with the tasty cords, and she looked silly on the ground like a Cat (only not so graceful or elegant).

So she got two treats out, and I decided I wanted to eat them. . . at which point she scooped me up, carried me out of the office (closing the door behind her), deposited me on the circulation desk, and declared me a Bad Cat. That would have hurt my feelings, but I was too busy being proud that I have effectively trained my first Staff member to reward me for chewing on cords. At last!

Then, the very next morning, I was again called a Bad Cat because my staff came in to work and discovered this:


What can I say? I got hungry in the middle of the night and I wanted a snack and I don't have thumbs. So I used my Sharp Teeth! I think I should be called a Smart Cat, and maybe the one who left the treats lying around can be henceforth known as Not-So-Smart Human.

None of this "Bad Cat" business would be going on if AB Karen were here--but she's on Unauthorized Vacation, so I'm having to suffer all sorts of indignities in her absence. Thankfully we will be reunited this weekend, and she'll call me a Good Cat and give me lots of tummy rubs and treats and Catnip.

For your weekend viewing pleasure, I have made a Movie:



It got a little boring after the apple toss, especially since I already found all the hidden gum-wrappers.

Happy weekend!

One Good Cat,

Tober

New Toys & Things!

I met a Tomato this week. I am told that this is a Fruit. It is Produce, so I made AAB Christine take it away from here.


I also assassinated a roll of papers, and I did this without getting any labels stuck in my whiskers!


Even though I am locked out of the processing office at night, I have learned that I can sneak in during the day sometimes and have fun with the paper products while my employees are busy answering the phone and waiting on customers.

I also think that my Staff people are trying to distract me from my love of chewing on Cords. They have brought some strange rubbery offerings that they seem to want me to chew on:


They keep telling me that the skinny one is a Cord, but it's not. It's a rubbery worm, and it doesn't have all the interesting wires in it that a Cord has. They all stood around me on the morning they gave it to me and said "Chew it, Tober, it's a Cord. It's a Cord!" I'm not stupid.

Occasionally, when they're not looking, I sniff it and bat it around a bit. (The mousie has 'nip, so I don't mind it so much.)

One Smart Cat,

Tober

A letter to my V-e-t.

Dear Dr. Jon and Dr. Dave,

First of all, thank you Dr. Jon for telling my toenails to grow back. I am happy to report that my left toenails are almost as long as my right toenails, and they are very useful when I romp through the stacks in the mornings.

I would also like to let you know that you do not have to look in my ears when I visit you in the future. My Photographer has gotten annoyingly close when she takes pictures, and she has several pictures of my ears. This is one of several:


Above you can see that my right ear is very clean, and you don't need to poke anything in it when we next meet.

My feet also look very nice and healthy, so you don't need to touch those, either:


Please disregard that teensy piece of litter in my foot; I cleaned it immediately after this picture was taken.

My staff can vouch for me that I have no strange bumps, lumps, or lacerations anywhere on me. I use the box regularly, eat plenty, and am alert and inquisitive when I'm not busy napping.

Karen has duped me into eating teeth-cleaning treats, and I keep my teeth nice and strong by chewing on cords, paper, bows, and plants, so you don't need to look in my mouth.

I keep myself very clean, so there are other places you do not need to look. Pictures can be provided upon request. . . but I will not post them here.

So you see, when I visit for my annual exam, we can dispense with the formalities! I can gaze out your window for a few minutes, you can pat me on the head and rub my tummy, and I can be on my way!

Your fine specimen of Cathood,

Tober

PS--We don't need a weigh-in either. This isn't The Biggest Loser.

Things I like to play with.

You may remember that I like to chew on Cords. I like chewing on them so much that I broke my New Year's Resolution by destroying Assistant Boss Karen's monitor cable. . . although I did it in stages, so I should get a little credit.

I've discovered that there are many other things that are fun to chew in a Library. Here are some of my Favorites.

Von's Ape Bookmark:


Von's Ape Bookmark has a very nice and foamy consistency. It is nice to hold in my teeth, and I can chew little bits off and leave them in the floor. This irritates Von, because I guess she likes her Ape Bookmark. However, as Boss of Thorntown Public Library, the fact that I like to eat it overrides the fact that she likes to look at it. Besides, have you noticed the shifty eyes on that thing?

Christine's Jade Plant:


Christine's Jade Plant has nice, thick, juicy leaves. Eating the Jade Plant is a bit of an adventure, because Christine seems to think that she can hide it from me. No matter where she puts it, I will track it down and chew a previously unblemished leaf. It is nice to have a change of Scenery with each dining experience.

Everyone's Papers:


Paper comes in many wonderful sizes and textures, and all are equally fun to chew on. The curlicues of paper that postage stamps come on is one of my favorite varieties, and I am training the Staff to save these for me after Newsletter Day. I'm also fond of anything Important that Karen happens to be working on. This means that I have a continuous supply of Important Documents and Emails to snack on. I've recently discovered that Receipts from the new receipt printers crinkle very nicely in my masculine front paws and strong, sharp teeth. My vicious paper-tearing should impress everyone, considering that I do not have Fingernails to assist in the destruction.

I also play with Gourds now. This is Nice, because now Karen and I have a common interest. Our mutual love of Gourds, combined with my interest in dropping things and Karen's love of picking things up, makes us very good Office-mates. Here I am demonstrating my Gourd-slapping technique:


I have to use my hands when I drop the Gourd because there isn't a nice sturdy stem to grab with my teeth. Gourds are also much lighter than little apples, so sometimes I get a good Slap-shot in and fling them across the room.

Here is a Very Good Picture of Me, so that your weekends start out Happy:



In this picture I am working very hard to hide my irritation with my Assistant Assistant Boss. It's tough being a Celebrity.

TPL's Gourd-geous Library Cat,

Tober

An apple a day. . .

I have recovered from Monday. Assistant Boss Karen did make an attempt to put a Collar on my neck on Tuesday morning, but I quickly let her know that it was a Bad Idea. Several treats later, I decided that she was forgiven, and we are all getting along just fine now. The Collar stays out of my sight, in a drawer--where it belongs.

The training of the Library Staff is coming along quite well. I've learned that I can entertain myself for hours watching them pick Apples up off of the floor. Actually, they are SO well-trained that I only need one Apple for almost an entire day of amusement.

I discovered this talent yesterday, when Karen fetched an apple from lunch and brought it to my desk. She placed it on the edge of the desk, and I carefully picked it up in my teeth and dropped it on the floor for her. She got all excited and picked it up. She seemed to enjoy the activity the first time, so I did it again.

Let me tell you--once these Humans get excited about something, they like to do it over and over and over again! Karen even set up an empty basket to catch the Apple, I think because she was tired of looking for it underneath things. After a while, I tired her out, and she washed and ate the Apple to give her energy.

Today she brought another Apple upstairs to play with. This one was very small, but it had a nice big stem for grabbing and dropping.

Here I am with Karen and her little Apple:


Karen wanted to photograph my Very Good Job of picking the Apple up and dropping it. Here is an Action Shot. Notice the little shadow under the Apple:


Here I am licking the Apple:


Here I am putting my teeth into it. It feels nice, like a Cord:


Here I am picking up the Apple by its nice sturdy stem:


Here I am about to drop the Apple. Notice also my technique of sitting on Karen's papers throughout this Training Session. This prevents Karen from becoming distracted by Other Unimportant Things.


Here is how it Ends:


I must say that I am Very Satisfied with the progress of the Staff in this latest Training. Several of them have visited to participate, and many have become proficient Fetchers. If they take too long to retrieve the Apple, I yell at them, and they quickly comply with my Wishes.

I used this Apple for several Training Sessions, and it was quite battered by the end of the day.

The Library Staff is doing so well that customers are taking note. Pastor Jim Allen watched me train Karen for a while, even though he is Allergic to cats. He seemed impressed by Karen's progress, as well as my excellent Apple-dropping skills. I hope they find a Cure for his Feline Allergy so he can visit me more.

Lovin' the Library Life,

Tober

How I am Famous

Here is the blog post that I promised to you last week.

I was Googling myself one evening. (I thought it would be an easy way to bring up my blog page, since my page is, in fact, Googlable.) I was shocked when my search results included links to other pages about Tober the Library Cat (me). I clicked the links, and here's what I found.

The first one:


It is very small, but you can see this informative and important blog posting at World Wide Whiskers. If you want to stay on my page--which you probably do--you can also click on the picture to make it bigger.

Here are the highlights.

Dewey isn’t the only library cat anymore. Meet Tober. Unlike Dewey, who was merely the subject of a book, Tober, the library cat of Thorntown, Indiana, has his own blog.

This very wise blogging person chose to include a very handsome shot of me. This happened to be posted on Christmas; I didn't ask to be famous for Christmas, but this does make it easier for me to forgive Santa for not bringing my hamster. Maybe this is what he meant by surprises!

This next blogger mentions one of my better-known (and least-loved) habits:


This is posted on a blog called Men and Cats. Apparently, I am not the only cat who likes to chew on cords. The people who comment on this post seem to think that there are many good ways to keep cats from chewing cords. Lucky for me, the staff at the Library hasn't found one yet!

Now you know how I am becoming Famous.

For those of you who have suffered sleepless nights about the state of my poor hurt foot, let me reassure you that I have been well taken care of. Assistant Assistant Boss Christine noticed that my foot was really stinky, Assistant Assistant Boss Linda noticed that my foot was really puffy, and Assistant Boss Karen called the nice people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic. Again. This time I had to ride in the stupid pet box. Hugging with a nice view is preferred, for future reference. The doctor discovered that I had an infected toe, and it was decided that I should take Medicine.

This Medicine is NOT a pill, but it is still not very good. Rather than take the Medicine when I want to, my staff people have decided that I need to take it once a day and first thing in the morning.

When Karen gives me the Medicine, she very kindly provides tasty food and treats, so that I may quickly get the awful taste out of my mouth. Christine didn't know this routine, so after she practically sat on me and forced a syringe in my mouth, I had to run through the Library, wipe my face, hide under Linda's desk (in case Christine wasn't done), and then proceed to my breakfast bowl. Which hadn't been filled yet.

I think Assistant Boss Karen needs to sign *certain people* up for more staff training time.

While my foot was hurting, I spent a lot of time in Karen's office helping her do a Very Very Important Library Report. The staff thinks that the report bored me, but NO! What happened was this: I was such a Very Big Help and such a Hard Worker that I passed out from exhaustion, right there on the paperwork. Just ask Karen.


My foot is feeling better though, and I ran around a lot today. I also received a Present from Helen. Helen very kindly crafted one of my previously chewed cords into a toy. Then she decided it was too big, so she needed to do something a little different with it. She took it home with her so that she could fix it for me! Now that's dedication! I think Helen should be Assistant Assistant Boss of the Month!

Now I must go back to cleaning my foot and plotting my evasive maneuvers for tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck!

Tober

I declawed myself.

As you may know from my earlier posts, I do not have fingernails. When I was younger, someone decided that I would not need them. I asked for replacements for Christmas, but Santa did not bring them. Since Cat fingernails are very small, I would imagine that they would be easy to deliver. Since I did not get them, I assume that Santa made a mistake, and brought them to the wrong Cat. As I mentioned once before, I will explain the mistake to Santa when we next meet.

Over the weekend, I had an Accident. I will not go into details because it is a bit embarrassing, but in the course of performing my library duties, I lost three of my toenails. I left a bloody pawprint on a desk (sorry, Linda), and the toenails have not yet been recovered.

I brought the Tragedy to the attention of my coworkers by licking my sore left foot. I tried not to lick it too often, because I didn't want them to worry (and I wanted to prove that I am One Tough Cat), but today it hurt really bad, so I licked it a bunch. Karen decided that it was time to visit the people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic. I was quite a handful during my last visit, but Karen assured me that no one would give me any pills, so I didn't worry about it too much. Luckily, the stupid pet box wasn't available, so Assistant Assistant Boss Christine hugged me all the way to the vet's office. Because I was being hugged, I could see out the window, and it was a very exciting ride.

When we got there, everyone was (of course) happy to see me. There was also a very large dog in the waiting room, but Karen and Christine promised to defend me if the big dog decided he wanted a Tober for lunch.

I was on my very best behavior. I let Dr. Jon look at each of my paws, and I was pretty nice until he got to the sore one. I must admit I howled. . . and hissed! I did not have to take a pill. I got a shot of an anti-inflammatory that will make my foot feel better. Still, I am not a fan of being poked, and I let everyone know by laying back my ears and giving them my grumpiest look.

I have very clean ears and I am maintaining a healthy weight. Best of all, I will get my three missing toenails back! We don't even have to find the old ones; I was told that three brand-new toenails would grow to replace the ones I lost! I think I will take extra-special care of my toenails from now on.

Who knew that Library work could be so dangerous? Next time you visit a Library, you should commend the staff members for their bravery.

I must also report that I have broken my New Year's Resolution. My Resolution was "I will not chew on any more important cords." I think that the importance of a monitor cord is debatable, but Karen does not. I very skillfully chewed her most recent monitor cord so that her screen has a greenish tint to it. If she jiggles it right, it changes to another color, and if she continues jiggling, it will return to normal. In my opinion, this development would make computer work much more exciting.

Although I am sad that I broke my Resolution. . . it was worth it!

I have excelled at the Pastor Jim Allen Reading Challenge. I pledged to read one book in 2009, and I have read three (so far).

MeOWS!

Tober

My letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been very Good this year. I work very hard at my job and I make my coworkers happy. I always use my box, and I rarely chew on the office plants. I am nice to the Thorntown Public Library customers. I have never hissed at them, even if one unexpectedly wakes me from a nap.

I help my coworkers use their mouses and keyboards, and I keep their chairs at a comfortable temperature when they are away from their desks. I recycle paper, if it is conveniently positioned near the recycle box.

I keep myself clean and well-rested so that I am a valuable PR Cat. I pay attention during staff meetings, and keep myself involved in important discussions. I talk to my coworkers constantly, since communication is the key to a friendly and effective workplace.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

1. A selection of cords for my chewing pleasure
2. More Purina Whisker Lickin's Dreamy Duos Shrimp & Tuna Flavor Treats
3. A personal assistant (must give good massages/belly-rubs)
4. Fingernails
5. A hamster (can be in hamster-ball)

I understand that some of these things may be hard to deliver. A personal assistant, for instance, would be difficult to stuff in a sack. A hamster, though, should not be too hard to deliver, especially if enclosed in a hamster-ball. They also make dwarf hamsters, if a standard-sized hamster is too large.

I also realize that I was in Big Trouble not too long ago; however, I would like to point out that the Trouble could have been avoided if I had already received Christmas Wish #1. If my wishes are met, I can almost promise to be the Best Cat on your Nice list next year!

Thanks in advance,

Tober

PS--I will try to leave milk and cookies for you (and carrots for the reindeer) on Christmas Eve. . . although we are not supposed to leave food out in the Library. Maybe try the fridge when you stop by.

Big Trouble

Today I got in Big Trouble. I didn't think that the Boss (that's me) could get in Big Trouble, but it seems that I was wrong about that. I was going to ask the Assistant Boss if I would be demoted, but I was afraid of what she would say.

Sometimes I get lonely when my coworkers go home for the night, and I have to find things to do to keep myself occupied. Sometimes I nibble on a plant, or I knock Craig over, or I dump Christine's inbox into the recycling bin. . . but what I like to do the most is chew on cords.
Cords are fun to chew. They feel nice in my teeth, and they wiggle and squirm so I can hunt them. But apparently chewing on the cords is a Very Bad Thing To Do.

When I chew on cords, it causes a flurry of activity around the office. Today was very exciting: Pat took the cord off of her computer and threw it away, Linda rearranged all of her furniture, and Christine crawled around on the floor with lots of black tubes. Assistant Boss Karen was frustrated with me, but I'm very charming, and she couldn't stay mad at me for long.


Because I am in Big Trouble I am not getting any treats and no one will get my dot out for me to hunt. Most of the tasty cords have been hidden from view--at least from human view--or wrapped up in black tubes. My officemates said that I was getting a supply of cords for Christmas, which they would hide in the closet.

Why would they get me a present and then hide it from me?

Besides, I have not presented anyone with my Christmas list yet. I'm still trying to decide whether I want a mouse (small, but has a tail) or a hamster (stubby tail, but bigger).

Here is a picture of me shelving. This is something library employees do.


Until next time!

Tober