Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!

Yesterday we had a terrifying Summer Reading Finale program here at the Library! I knew that Coyote Chris from Silly Safaris was going to be here, and I knew that there would be an International Food Tasting after the show, but I was NOT told about all the weird and vicious creatures that would be inside my library! The program was Animals with "Tales" from around the World.

Here are the animals he brought in order of horribleness (least to most), as determined by me: a tree frog, a turtle named Shelby, a fuzzy rabbit, a skunk (it was destinktified), a coatimundi, a Madagascar hissing Cockroach (the horrors!), a snake as thick as a well-fed cat belly, a baby (or at least SMALL) alligator, and a potentially cat-eating Owl of Doom.

Here is the Owl of Doom, probably convinced it sees a handsome, tasty, ginger Mancat in the hallway:


The children (and grown-ups!) really enjoyed the program. Coyote Chris told all sorts of stories and interesting facts about each of the creatures, and the children even got to pet some of the less-horrible ones. I think the children were very Brave to be in a room with some of those animals.

After the program, and after all of the people washed their hands, we had the International Food Tasting.


The Staff was very eager to help with the eating serving of all of the different foods. (From this picture you cannot tell it. For some reason, the staff hides from camera-pictures. If we ever need to evacuate the building, we'll send AAB Photographer around to point the camera at people.) Some Mommies and Volunteers helped as well. Visitors got to try Coconut Macaroons, ANZAC Biscuits, Sweet Scones, homemade Ginger Ale, Mealie Meal Bread, Pasta Guayabe con Queso, Tacos, Puerto Rican Rice with Chicken, Sweet Potato Fries, Chinese Fried Rice, Asian Snack Mix, Thai Candle Cookies, and Hummus. Much of the food was declared Quite Yummy by the tasters, although the smaller tasters had no qualms emitting "yucks" and "ewwws" when they found things not to their liking.

No one brought me anything to eat, and I was exhausted from all the working.


Maybe the owl sensed that I was a tired, weak, underfed kitty and decided that it should settle for whatever Coyote Chris feeds it, instead? Hmmmm.

I am happy to report that the unauthorized (by me) animals left promptly after the program, and I am now the only non-human living in the Library. Which is how it should be.

Star of a One-Mancat Show,

Tober

Tober the Fly-Swatter Eats Again!

Dear Supporters of Stinky Goodness (and by extension, Me)--

I am happy to report that my Staff lasted a whole ten hours or so before succumbing to my pleas for nourishment. All it took was throwing myself at everyone's feet and extending my shrinking tummy for their inspection. AB Karen was the first to notice that I was wasting away before her eyes, and she (very sneakily) served me breakfast in her my office on Tuesday morning. Then she got busted when someone else noticed a bowl of smelly soft food on the floor, and now we are back to the way things should be. Forever.

My formerly Mean Staff have been reinstated as Nice Staff (especially Karen the Softie) and I have decided that I will not Fire anyone. Yet.

Today has been an exhausting day (it's a good thing they decided to feed me again!). I have had to patrol the Downstairs to make sure everybody showed up on time, I had to fling the Apple from Karen's desk several times, I had to provide a stool sample for the V-E-T, and I had to slay a Fly that invaded my Library.



I don't really understand why I was needed to kill the Fly, as it was a very slow-moving and kind of stupid one. AAB Christine could have easily caught and eaten it herself. But instead she came to get me. Maybe she was afraid?

So I am pooped. Here I am saying I can't take it anymore, World:


And yes, I'm supposed to go to see Dr. Jon (my mean V-E-T) tomorrow. Okay, maybe he's not mean, but he sure is rude with all the poking and prodding and sticking stuff in my ears! Anyway, I don't see why I have to do this again; I'm perfectly healthy and handsome and I use my box like a nice Mancat and I've got clean ears and feets and I'm strong and tough and have a soft coat. So Dr. Jon if you're reading this I want you to know that all you need to do tomorrow is pet me and I don't even need any of those dental treats because I have tartar control Whisker Lickin's. See you when you next visit the Library.

TPL's resident Fly-Swatter (and Slayer),

Tober

The Mean Staff Diet

I have heard my staff muttering the most alarming things lately. I keep hearing words like "supper" and "dry food only" and "treats" and "he'll be okay" and, most importantly, "No More Soft Food."

No More Soft Food.

This is getting out of hand. They think that they can deny me my daily doses of Stinky Goodness because I don't eat it at it too much. I just like the gravy. But still, I like the routine--knowing that they will drop whatever they're doing and run to the grocery store. . . how they apologize and give extra Catnip when AAB Breakfast-Giver Becki is out and they do the usual bang-up job of FORGETTING to FEED ME. . . how the smell of my squishy food invigorates my nose and whiskers after a good seven-hour nap!

What am I supposed to do with these people? I'd fire them all, but I suspect they'd come back because they wouldn't have anything better to do. Oooh, AAB Christine said that was a Rotten thing to say. Well, it's Rotten to starve a Poor Defenseless (no thumbs!) Little Orange Cat and change his routine without asking permission!

You know what else is Rotten?

My pepper from my gracious West Lafayette friends. AAB Britta discovered some fur growing on the underside of it (in the broken part) last week, so we took one last photo together. They even wrapped it in paper towel so AAB Ritchie wouldn't fish it out of the trash like he kept doing with Little Green Pepper.


If I'd know they were going to take my suppers and breakfasts Away, I'd have saved Pepper for a snack.

Wasting away at the hands of my Treacherous Staff,

Tober the (skinny) Cat

Tober's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It started with a Staff Meeting at 8:30. I did manage to get my breakfast served to me before everyone clustered around the table to talk about (supposedly) Very Important Things. I am still having a hard time getting the Staff to understand that they should be in their assigned places, and I did yell at them for a bit. This time I decided to join the Staff Meeting, so I walked across the shiny floor and hopped up on the table.

Hopping up on the table was A Smart Thing to Do, because everyone was within petting distance.

The Staff Meeting thing will be okay, I think. I received a massive amount of food for my patience, and as long as they keep that up, I will continue to let them Meet on Monday mornings. I think Becki brought in enough special yummy food to last me Forever. Purrs, Becki!


My Monday wasn't ruined until one of the Assistant Assistant Bosses came back from lunch. She came Upstairs with a Purple Collar with a Jingle Bell attached. She came in my office, where I was enjoying an afternoon nap, and presented the contraption for me to sniff at. I sniffed it and told her I did not like it. (I knew it was a Collar, even though she acted like it was a toy.) So what does she do? Does she say, "Oh, I'm sorry Tober. Let me get this thing out of your sight. We'll throw it away." NO. She puts it on my neck! She tells me I'm handsome! (As if I don't already know this.) I got up, and it jingled!

I ran through the Library, and it jingled! I ran under Linda White's desk, and it jingled after me! I ran under Linda Porter's desk, and it followed me there, too! I ran back to my office. . . still jingling! Finally the Assistant Assistant Boss scooped me up--but not to comfort me and remove the awful thing. No! She was giggling, and she showed me to other people, and they giggled too!

Here I am under a desk being The Unhappiest Cat in the World:


In case you haven't guessed it, the Awful Person who did this to me was Christine. Watch out for that one.

Karen hugged me and told me how grumpy I looked (she used the term "vet ears" to describe the laid-back position of my ears), but she was laughing too. She showed me to some Nice Library Customers, who I thought might take sympathy on me. You know what they did? They called me Pretty.

I wasn't Pretty, I was Mad! I'm a Boy-Cat, for crying out loud!

I was so Mad that I protested by sitting in my Toilet Box. And that Awful Person Christine took pictures of me, while everyone else stood around saying "Poor Tober" and laughing at me!


I was worried for a long time. The Library Staff people kept trying to reason with me, telling me I looked handsome (not pretty), and that they already jingle (keys), so I should jingle too. I said, "No. This thing is Stupid, and I am Mad, so take it off of me Please!" Christine and Linda said they would not take it off, and so did Karen.

Linda tried to hug and comfort me, and I wouldn't have it.

Here's the thing. As my second-in-command, my Assistant Boss Karen is very receptive to my needs. We share an office. She took me back to the office and had to look at me, and she could plainly see the misery on my scrunched-up face. She tried giving me Treats (didn't want any) and pettings (didn't want any of those, either). I was determined to Never Move Again. I would go on a Hunger Strike, and get skinny, and never purr, or meow, or go anywhere ever again.

Karen finally broke down and took off the Stupid Collar. (I knew she would.) I told her we should fire Christine, too, but apparently Christine does do some kind of work at the Library (other than find new ways to torment me).

This was my second (and hopefully last) encounter with a Collar.

Free at last,

Tober