Insult & Injury

Note:  This is a late post.  AB Traitor Christine was having "rotation issues" with her phone.  That's what she gets for putting me through all of what you'll read below.

Well, I went to the V-E-T today for my Annual Rear-end Stabbing.  I almost got lucky.  AAB Karen took a day off and left AB Christine in charge of taking me in, which was not a very smart thing to do.  AB Christine was all "La-de-dah, Tober's appointment is on Tuesday, La-de-dah, typity-type" and had no clue that I was supposed to be somewhere at 2:20pm.  It's extra funny because AAB Karen emailed her from HOME to remind her and she was all, "I got this" and still she forgot. 

So we got a call from the V-E-T office (they don't want to miss a chance to torment a cat) saying "Hey where is Tober?" and my posse rounded me up and away we went.

AB Christine drove (!) and AAB Britta hugged me.

So we got there thirty minutes late and I got weighed and Britta and Christine told the technician how awesome I am.  I don't have any lumps or bumps and I eat Good Life and I use the box and I most certainly do NOT scoot because gentleman-cats do not do such things. 

Then the technician said she had to ask extra questions this time around because I am--you won't believe this, guys--a "senior" cat.

A senior cat.

There's something off about that, though.  I looked up this nifty Cat-to-Human age chart.

This is worth Biggifying!

According to this chart and due to my Indoor-onlyness, I am forty-four (44) in Human years.

Here is your assignment, blog readers:  Go find a 44-year-old Human and offer her a Senior Discount.  Let me know what happens.

Anyhoo, I do not feel like a senior cat.  I am in my prime!  And it's how I feel that matters, right?

Then Dr. Jon examined me (which is very rude) and stabbed me in the rear-end while Christine laughed and took pictures and Britta felt sorry for me.

See me grabbing for the edge of the table?  Cats, that's a good move to use--one of these days it's going to work and I'll never have to go to the V-E-T again!  (Dogs, I'm not sure if your paws are flexy-bendy enough to accomplish the "counter grab" so you might want to experiment a little before trying it at the V-E-T.)

After the poking and prodding and staring into my eyeballs and earholes Dr. Jon's minion presented me with THIS:

Feline equivalent of an AARP mailing.

See all of that stuff?  Click to biggify the picture, or I suppose I can just tell you what you're "missing."  There's a whole stack of stuff on "senior" cat problems, none of which apply to me.  There's also a bag of enormous, stinky vitamins that AB Christine tried disguising as treats.  (I did not even come close to falling for that shenanigan.)

Oh, and don't forget the HOT PINK feline training device!  It's in Christine's drawer right now, but it was kind of fun seeing how well she's trained.  She throws it across the library, and I stare at her until she goes to pick it up.  So maybe I should call it a Human Training Device!

My library ladies say I should be Thankful that I have such a fantastic V-E-T office staff and I suppose they are right.  THANKS Dr. Jon and Thorntown Veterinary Clinic staff!  I was only sore for one (1) whole day.  They're definitely a great place to take your pets to be tortured treated.

My next post is going to be super-awesome!  Something special arrived in the mail today!

Healthy, prime-time purrs and vigorous headbutts,

Tober

A Perfect Specimen of Cathood

I started blogging this blog post ELEVEN (11) DAYS AGO.

Never mind. I started blogging this blog post THIRTEEN (13) DAYS AGO.

So you will notice a change in tone. . . from crabby NEGLECTED library Boss Cat to crabby SORE poked and prodded evil v-e-t experiment. AAB Blog Helper promises that she will never Neglect me and this Very Important Blog (V.I.B.) ever again and has tearfully cancelled her Thanksgiving plans.

Here you have the recap of my Horriblefying Experience at the my annual checkup:

I don't know why they even bother taking me to the V-E-T anymore. I eat well, I use my box in an acceptable manner, I drink lots of waters, and I get plenty of rest. I don't have any lumps, bumps, or lacerations, and my Assistants smear that awful Flea-stuff on me once a month without fail.

I don't cough or sneeze or urp too much (except for Hairballs, which makes me feel like a Million Bucks afterward), and I have nice clean ears and bright eyes and strong Heart.

So why do we have to visit Thorntown Veterinary Clinic every year???

I think AB Karen and AAB Christine just like going on a Field Trip.

I must say I get V.I.P. treatment when I arrive at the Clinic. I am whisked away into a room where they check to see whether I've gotten heavy from the many, many treats I receive as a Beloved Library Cat:


Guess what? 10.06 pounds of Feline Purrfection!

BRING ON THE TREATS, PEOPLE!!!

Then AB Karen holds me while we wait for Dr. Jon, the poker-prodder-needle-sticker, to come in and try to make nice with me.

Here she is lying and telling me everything will be okay:


See my face? I know what's going on here. Things are going to get personal.

Then Dr. Jon comes in. He's all smiles, 'cause I don't guess it's everyday a big Library/Internet Celebrity visits his V-E-T Torture Chamber Clinic. I don't smile or purr or headbutt him even one time.


Here we are later in the examination. Please note how my right paw is very near the edge of the exam table. Kitties, if you can grab the edge of that table, you are only one more paw away from freedom!


Here Dr. Jon is using the V-E-T version of the Vulcan Death Grip in order to keep me manageable. He is, as usual, in Awe of my awesome Mancatliness, and very relieved that I don't have front toenails.


After that things get really bad:


And then they get worse:


See the paw!?!? Almost free! But Dr. Jon meant business, and he had my Assistants and his Helper guarding the door, so I eventually succumbed to the vaccinations, even the most Horriblest one that makes that terrible POP!

I have been declared Healthy for the next One Whole Year. My AB and AAB insist that Dr. Jon was very gentle with me and that the people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic are a great group of caring professionals. (Whatever. I saw them all smiling and laughing while I was suffering terrible indignities.)

No, really, they're great!

Waiting for my bribes treats, and

Purrfectly yours,

Tober

The Horrors!

Thanks everybody for the Happy Finding/Gotcha Day wishes! I'm super-excited that tomorrow is my Hire Date, and even super-duper-exciteder that I get to judge my Poster Contest tomorrow!

If you still have an entry you need to submit, you can email it to csterle at thorntown dot lib dot in dot us, and she'll be sure to print it out for the judging!

In my excitement about Finding Day and My Poster Contest and all of the extra treats and love that I get from everybody, I forgot.

I forgot that November is when the Little Orange Card of Doom shows up.

Yep, my invitation arrived in the mail.

I can't bear to look.


Strong, healthy, bright, alert, and responsive,

Tober

Dear Jon

Dear (Dr.) Jon,

I have decided that it is not your Fault that my Assistant Bosses make me visit you every year. I don't know why they insist on doing this to me, since it goes the same way every time I visit. Maybe they do not pay attention when you tell them that I am bright (that's my smarts), alert, and responsive. Maybe they need to buy a scale to see that I am maintaining my slim and Mancatly figure so you don't have to use yours. Also I do not know what anomalies are but I'm pretty sure my teeths don't have any of those.

Maybe they just like to visit with you and your nice staff. I think that's A-OK, but I think they can just leave me at home with my pinecone and my fake leaves and my books and my sleeping blankie.

Anyway, I'm sorry I got all growly when you stabbed me in the rear with that needle. But I'm pretty sure you would get all growly with me if the situation were reversed.

Here is a picture of me in your window Saying No To Fleas:


When I looked over my clean bill of health, I did notice that you gave me a Birthday of November 5, 2006. I have never had a Birthday before! I'm thinking my staff knew about this Birthday all along and just didn't celebrate it because they're too cheap to buy me presents. I'm thinking of Firing them, but I'll decide after Thanksgiving. (Some might bring in turkey for me.)

(But you didn't see that, 'cause I'm not allowed to eat people food.)

(Except maybe on Thanksgiving?)

Purrs & headbutts, mingled with some growls,

Tober

Tober the Fly-Swatter Eats Again!

Dear Supporters of Stinky Goodness (and by extension, Me)--

I am happy to report that my Staff lasted a whole ten hours or so before succumbing to my pleas for nourishment. All it took was throwing myself at everyone's feet and extending my shrinking tummy for their inspection. AB Karen was the first to notice that I was wasting away before her eyes, and she (very sneakily) served me breakfast in her my office on Tuesday morning. Then she got busted when someone else noticed a bowl of smelly soft food on the floor, and now we are back to the way things should be. Forever.

My formerly Mean Staff have been reinstated as Nice Staff (especially Karen the Softie) and I have decided that I will not Fire anyone. Yet.

Today has been an exhausting day (it's a good thing they decided to feed me again!). I have had to patrol the Downstairs to make sure everybody showed up on time, I had to fling the Apple from Karen's desk several times, I had to provide a stool sample for the V-E-T, and I had to slay a Fly that invaded my Library.



I don't really understand why I was needed to kill the Fly, as it was a very slow-moving and kind of stupid one. AAB Christine could have easily caught and eaten it herself. But instead she came to get me. Maybe she was afraid?

So I am pooped. Here I am saying I can't take it anymore, World:


And yes, I'm supposed to go to see Dr. Jon (my mean V-E-T) tomorrow. Okay, maybe he's not mean, but he sure is rude with all the poking and prodding and sticking stuff in my ears! Anyway, I don't see why I have to do this again; I'm perfectly healthy and handsome and I use my box like a nice Mancat and I've got clean ears and feets and I'm strong and tough and have a soft coat. So Dr. Jon if you're reading this I want you to know that all you need to do tomorrow is pet me and I don't even need any of those dental treats because I have tartar control Whisker Lickin's. See you when you next visit the Library.

TPL's resident Fly-Swatter (and Slayer),

Tober

My V-E-T Visit

I should have known something was going on when I received a mid-day paw massage. The unfolding of my red napping-blankie should have served as fair warning. I thought I was getting carried to an early dinner until AAB Christine took an early right turn and carried me Downstairs.

No one carries me Downstairs. Ever.

AB Karen pulled the car around while AAB Christine Kidnapped me from My Library and rushed down the stairs and toward the Outside.

Let me tell you, I let them hear it on the way to the V-E-T. I knew that was where I was going.

Now, don't get me wrong. . . I will be Forever Grateful to Dr. Jon for telling my toenails to grow back, but other than that we aren't great friends. I remember how he gave me pills when I lost my toenails.

So when we got to the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic I put on one of my maddest faces:


The vet always sends in a nice Assistant to try to soften me up. I ignored her. I ignored EVERBODY. I surveyed the clinic's parking lot for intruders and tried to mentally go to a Happy Place.

I was weighed, and I am pleased to tell you that you can bring on the treats, people! I am, once again, a Picture of Feline Health. I weigh slightly over ten pounds and am maintaining a healthy weight; I am alert and responsive; I am a very cooperative cat and am a joy to behold.

Everything went downhill from there. Dr. Jon came in to see me and got very personal with the exam. Then he petted me for a while, which was okay. Then he decided to look at my teeth and my eyes and my ears and all of my other handsome parts.

Brace yourselves, Cats. . . this next picture is not pretty.


Then Dr. Jon gave me those awful, horrible shots--which are totally unnecessary, since I am an Inside Only cat and can't possibly catch any of the horrible things that a lot of cats could catch. The last one makes a loud POP and had me clutching the edge of the table really tight. . . luckily they do that at the very last, so I got to go sit in the car and catch my breath after that.

Oh, I forgot to mention the only nice part about my Vet trip. AB Karen did not bring the Stupid Pet Box to the Library, so I got to use my backup carrier, AAB Christine. The people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic think that it is very impressive that I travel with a Posse. Yes, that's how I roll. . .

Fe-line fine!

Tober

A letter to my V-e-t.

Dear Dr. Jon and Dr. Dave,

First of all, thank you Dr. Jon for telling my toenails to grow back. I am happy to report that my left toenails are almost as long as my right toenails, and they are very useful when I romp through the stacks in the mornings.

I would also like to let you know that you do not have to look in my ears when I visit you in the future. My Photographer has gotten annoyingly close when she takes pictures, and she has several pictures of my ears. This is one of several:


Above you can see that my right ear is very clean, and you don't need to poke anything in it when we next meet.

My feet also look very nice and healthy, so you don't need to touch those, either:


Please disregard that teensy piece of litter in my foot; I cleaned it immediately after this picture was taken.

My staff can vouch for me that I have no strange bumps, lumps, or lacerations anywhere on me. I use the box regularly, eat plenty, and am alert and inquisitive when I'm not busy napping.

Karen has duped me into eating teeth-cleaning treats, and I keep my teeth nice and strong by chewing on cords, paper, bows, and plants, so you don't need to look in my mouth.

I keep myself very clean, so there are other places you do not need to look. Pictures can be provided upon request. . . but I will not post them here.

So you see, when I visit for my annual exam, we can dispense with the formalities! I can gaze out your window for a few minutes, you can pat me on the head and rub my tummy, and I can be on my way!

Your fine specimen of Cathood,

Tober

PS--We don't need a weigh-in either. This isn't The Biggest Loser.

Update on my Toenails

Most of you probably remember the horrible Accident that I had a few months ago in which I lost my precious Toenails. My left foot got infected and was stinky, but Dr. Jon at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic gave me Medicine and said that I would get All New Toenails someday.

Well, I'm here to inform you that they're here! The new ones aren't very impressive just yet, but I have nubby little Toenails on my left foot! One of my Assistant Assistant Bosses discovered them this week, Upside-Downed me, and announced my Big News to the Staff. I was hoping she would wait until they were full-sized and Razor sharp, but it doesn't take much to get the People excited around here, and I like to let them have their fun. It is part of my Management Style.

For those of you who don't know, Upside-Downing is this horrible thing that some Staff members like to do to me. They scoop me up (usually from a Nap, when I'm all Soggy and warm) like a Human baby and carry me around with my Feet in the air. It's a bit humiliating, by my Tummy does get rubbed quite a lot when they do it to me.

You cannot see my new Toenails in this picture, but you can see that I have strong, manly Feet:


This has been a Very Busy Week. I was beginning to feel Neglected, because everyone was so excited about the new Plastic-Scented Evergreen Library Cards that they almost forgot to give me Dinner a few times.

Usually my dinner is prepared while I am Napping, and a Staff member comes to notify me that it is ready. Sometimes, because I am still sleepy from the Nap, they carry me to my Cafeteria and set me directly in front of my bowl. (This is a Very Nice Thing to Do.)

Lately I have been waking from my Nap, going to where my dinner should be, scowling at the crusty bit of breakfast left in the bowl, and yelling at the nearest Staff person. Then they go "Oh, Tober, you need dinner!" like it's a big surprise or something!

On the flip side, I did learn something very valuable this week. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, when the Library is open until 8:00, the Staff still feeds me at 5:45, so I don't get Upset by a weird change in my schedule.

Well, if I eat my Dinner really fast when Assistant Boss Karen isn't looking, there is a chance that she will feed me again, thinking that I missed Dinner!!!!

The Library Staff has been very generous with the Treats and the Catnip this week. When they get Stressed Out from all of their Very Hard Work, they talk to me and I make them Happy again. Lucky for me, the Giving of Catnip seems to make them Happy, especially Bonnie, who always caters to my need for a nice roll in the floor.

Here I am appreciating all of Bonnie's hard work and Catnip-giving:


If you click and make this picture Big, you will see that I have many, many pieces of Catnip stuck to my fur.

I also had my picture taken while I was lounging near the water fountain one night. I do not usually let people take a lot of pictures of me (especially with the flash on), but I was reminded that many of my Adoring Fans can't make it to the Library to see me in Person. I wouldn't want them to suffer because they live lots of miles away! I will try to be better about picture-taking in the future--unless I am cleaning myself at the moment. These pictures really capture my Irresistability.

Here I look like I am waving. "Goodbye, Photographer, I am trying to Sleep!"


Here I am Just Plain Adorable:


Now I have Updated you on my Week. I will try to write more often, but it is very hard for me to get on the Computers here, since the Staff is hogging them all. I think I need to remind them of the Importance of my Job.

Your Newly-Toenailed

Tober

How I am Famous

Here is the blog post that I promised to you last week.

I was Googling myself one evening. (I thought it would be an easy way to bring up my blog page, since my page is, in fact, Googlable.) I was shocked when my search results included links to other pages about Tober the Library Cat (me). I clicked the links, and here's what I found.

The first one:


It is very small, but you can see this informative and important blog posting at World Wide Whiskers. If you want to stay on my page--which you probably do--you can also click on the picture to make it bigger.

Here are the highlights.

Dewey isn’t the only library cat anymore. Meet Tober. Unlike Dewey, who was merely the subject of a book, Tober, the library cat of Thorntown, Indiana, has his own blog.

This very wise blogging person chose to include a very handsome shot of me. This happened to be posted on Christmas; I didn't ask to be famous for Christmas, but this does make it easier for me to forgive Santa for not bringing my hamster. Maybe this is what he meant by surprises!

This next blogger mentions one of my better-known (and least-loved) habits:


This is posted on a blog called Men and Cats. Apparently, I am not the only cat who likes to chew on cords. The people who comment on this post seem to think that there are many good ways to keep cats from chewing cords. Lucky for me, the staff at the Library hasn't found one yet!

Now you know how I am becoming Famous.

For those of you who have suffered sleepless nights about the state of my poor hurt foot, let me reassure you that I have been well taken care of. Assistant Assistant Boss Christine noticed that my foot was really stinky, Assistant Assistant Boss Linda noticed that my foot was really puffy, and Assistant Boss Karen called the nice people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic. Again. This time I had to ride in the stupid pet box. Hugging with a nice view is preferred, for future reference. The doctor discovered that I had an infected toe, and it was decided that I should take Medicine.

This Medicine is NOT a pill, but it is still not very good. Rather than take the Medicine when I want to, my staff people have decided that I need to take it once a day and first thing in the morning.

When Karen gives me the Medicine, she very kindly provides tasty food and treats, so that I may quickly get the awful taste out of my mouth. Christine didn't know this routine, so after she practically sat on me and forced a syringe in my mouth, I had to run through the Library, wipe my face, hide under Linda's desk (in case Christine wasn't done), and then proceed to my breakfast bowl. Which hadn't been filled yet.

I think Assistant Boss Karen needs to sign *certain people* up for more staff training time.

While my foot was hurting, I spent a lot of time in Karen's office helping her do a Very Very Important Library Report. The staff thinks that the report bored me, but NO! What happened was this: I was such a Very Big Help and such a Hard Worker that I passed out from exhaustion, right there on the paperwork. Just ask Karen.


My foot is feeling better though, and I ran around a lot today. I also received a Present from Helen. Helen very kindly crafted one of my previously chewed cords into a toy. Then she decided it was too big, so she needed to do something a little different with it. She took it home with her so that she could fix it for me! Now that's dedication! I think Helen should be Assistant Assistant Boss of the Month!

Now I must go back to cleaning my foot and plotting my evasive maneuvers for tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck!

Tober

I declawed myself.

As you may know from my earlier posts, I do not have fingernails. When I was younger, someone decided that I would not need them. I asked for replacements for Christmas, but Santa did not bring them. Since Cat fingernails are very small, I would imagine that they would be easy to deliver. Since I did not get them, I assume that Santa made a mistake, and brought them to the wrong Cat. As I mentioned once before, I will explain the mistake to Santa when we next meet.

Over the weekend, I had an Accident. I will not go into details because it is a bit embarrassing, but in the course of performing my library duties, I lost three of my toenails. I left a bloody pawprint on a desk (sorry, Linda), and the toenails have not yet been recovered.

I brought the Tragedy to the attention of my coworkers by licking my sore left foot. I tried not to lick it too often, because I didn't want them to worry (and I wanted to prove that I am One Tough Cat), but today it hurt really bad, so I licked it a bunch. Karen decided that it was time to visit the people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic. I was quite a handful during my last visit, but Karen assured me that no one would give me any pills, so I didn't worry about it too much. Luckily, the stupid pet box wasn't available, so Assistant Assistant Boss Christine hugged me all the way to the vet's office. Because I was being hugged, I could see out the window, and it was a very exciting ride.

When we got there, everyone was (of course) happy to see me. There was also a very large dog in the waiting room, but Karen and Christine promised to defend me if the big dog decided he wanted a Tober for lunch.

I was on my very best behavior. I let Dr. Jon look at each of my paws, and I was pretty nice until he got to the sore one. I must admit I howled. . . and hissed! I did not have to take a pill. I got a shot of an anti-inflammatory that will make my foot feel better. Still, I am not a fan of being poked, and I let everyone know by laying back my ears and giving them my grumpiest look.

I have very clean ears and I am maintaining a healthy weight. Best of all, I will get my three missing toenails back! We don't even have to find the old ones; I was told that three brand-new toenails would grow to replace the ones I lost! I think I will take extra-special care of my toenails from now on.

Who knew that Library work could be so dangerous? Next time you visit a Library, you should commend the staff members for their bravery.

I must also report that I have broken my New Year's Resolution. My Resolution was "I will not chew on any more important cords." I think that the importance of a monitor cord is debatable, but Karen does not. I very skillfully chewed her most recent monitor cord so that her screen has a greenish tint to it. If she jiggles it right, it changes to another color, and if she continues jiggling, it will return to normal. In my opinion, this development would make computer work much more exciting.

Although I am sad that I broke my Resolution. . . it was worth it!

I have excelled at the Pastor Jim Allen Reading Challenge. I pledged to read one book in 2009, and I have read three (so far).

MeOWS!

Tober

A trip to the vet.

I am here to tell you that Jane can say all the nice things about me she likes, and I do appreciate it, but my last trip to the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic was a real downer. It is all the Assistant Boss's fault. (You must understand that in the line and staff chart on the library's Christmas card, I am listed as the Boss, Karen is the Assistant Boss, and all the rest of the (my) staff are the Assistant Assistant Bosses.)

Anyway, she decided that since I was an unknown to her when she rescued me in October, I should have a worm pill when I went in for my booster shots on December 2. That is not my idea of a Jolly Good Christmas Deal.

I did my best to spit on Dr. Jon's shoes. I foamed at the mouth. I wiggled out of their towels. And I spit the first pill out two times before Dr. Jon won the match. Then, to add insult to injury, he "had" to give me another half tablet! I was not a happy camper, and I am not sure I believed Karen when she gave me that old saw: "This hurts me more than it hurts you!" Has she ever tasted those pills the third time?

At last it was over, and she returned me to the sanctuary of my office in the library, where everyone rightfully made a fuss over me. It took six bits of Purina Whisker Lickin's Dreamy Duos Shrimp & Tuna Flavor Treats (hint, hint--Christmas is coming!) before I forgave the Assistant Boss.

For the record, I am almost sure that I never had worms in the first place!




We did get one thing straight: The library staff will never, ever give me pills.

I am happy to report that I weigh 10 pounds, 7 ounces, have clean ears, and am a fine specimen of cathood.

Tober

My very first blog!

Hello! My name is Tober, and I am Thorntown Public Library's newest employee! I am a 2-year-old orange tiger-kitty, and I'm just getting to know my new home. I was rescued by my boss, Karen Niemeyer, who thought that I would be a perfect fit for library work. I live in a staff office in the adult department, where I am learning my new job as PR Director.

This is only my second day at work. I was a bit intimidated on my first day; I spent most of it hiding under a colleague's desk, wondering if I could handle the job. However, I made good use of my evening off, inspecting the facilities, the sleeping arrangements, and the cafeteria, and I've decided that this will be a wonderful place to work!

This morning they took me to the doctor. We could've skipped that (I tried to tell them, but no one wanted to listen), but the people at the Thorntown Veterinary Clinic were very nice. They complimented my looks (nice AND smart!), petted me, and told me I was a good kitty. I came home to my adoring colleagues, and have spent much of the day trying out new chairs and watching our customers come and go.

That's all I have to say for now. I have to get busy working on my job description!

Tober